I am someone who believes that it is forever an option to transform. I think you absolutely are able to teach an old dog new tricks, on the condition that the old dog is willing and willing to learn. As long as the person is willing to admit when it was mistaken, and work to become a more enlightened self.
Alright, I confess, I am the old dog. And the trick I am attempting to master, although I am decrepit? It is an major undertaking, an issue I have struggled with, often, for my entire life. My ongoing effort … to grow less fearful of those large arachnids. My regrets to all the different eight-legged creatures that exist; I have to be grounded about my potential for change as a human. The target inevitably is the huntsman because it is large, commanding, and the one I run into regularly. This includes on three separate occasions in the last week. Inside my home. I'm not visible to you, but a shudder runs through me at the very thought as I type.
It's unlikely I’ll ever reach “fan” status, but I’ve been working on at least achieving a baseline of normalcy about them.
An intense phobia regarding spiders from my earliest years (unlike other children who find them delightful). Growing up, I had a sufficient number of brothers around to make sure I never had to handle any myself, but I still became hysterical if one was visibly in the general area as me. Vividly, I recall of one morning when I was eight, my family unconscious, and facing the ordeal of a spider that had made its way onto the family room partition. I “handled” with it by retreating to a remote corner, almost into the next room (lest it pursued me), and emptying a significant portion of pesticide toward it. The spray failed to hit the spider, but it succeeded in affecting and disturb everyone in my house.
As I got older, whoever I was dating or sharing a home with was, as a matter of course, the bravest of spiders between us, and therefore in charge of dealing with it, while I produced whimpers of distress and fled the scene. If I was on my own, my method was simply to vacate the area, plunge the room into darkness and try to ignore its being before I had to return.
In a recent episode, I stayed at a pal's residence where there was a very large huntsman who resided within the casement, mostly just stationary. To be more comfortable with its presence, I conceptualized the spider as a 'girlie', a girlie, part of the group, just lounging in the sun and listening to us chat. It sounds quite foolish, but it had an impact (somewhat). Put another way, the deliberate resolution to become less scared proved successful.
Whatever the case, I've made an effort to continue. I contemplate all the logical reasons not to be scared. It is a fact that huntsman spiders are not dangerous to humans. I know they consume things like insect pests (my mortal enemies). I know they are one of nature’s beautiful, non-threatening to people creatures.
Alas, they do continue to move like that. They move in the deeply alarming and somehow offensive way conceivable. The sight of their many legs transporting them at that frightening pace induces my caveman brain to enter panic mode. They are said to only have the typical arachnid arrangement, but I maintain that increases exponentially when they move.
However it cannot be blamed on them that they have unnerving limbs, and they have an equal entitlement to be where I am – if not more. I have discovered that employing the techniques of trying not to instantly leap out of my body and retreat when I see one, attempting to stay still and breathing, and deliberately thinking about their beneficial attributes, has proven somewhat effective.
Simply due to the reality that they are furry beings that scuttle about at an alarming rate in a way that invades my dreams, is no reason for they warrant my loathing, or my shrieks of terror. I can admit when fear has clouded my judgment and fueled by irrational anxiety. It is uncertain I’ll ever reach the “scooping one into plasticware and taking it outside” phase, but miracles happen. There’s a few years for this seasoned learner yet.
